Deli and Sfiso: An African Wedding

We were fortunate enough to get invited to the wedding of one of the iTEACH staff on our second day here. I will explain more in a future post about iTEACH, but it’s the TB/HIV program within Edendale hospital that hosts us. We were actually invited by other guests and didn’t even meet the bride and groom until the wedding day! We were a little hesitant to accept at first because we did not want to feel like we were imposing, but we were reassured several times that we were more than welcome.

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We drove down to Port Shepstone, which is on the South Coast, with several other iTEACH staff members as well as 2 other rotating Americans working at Edendale through iTEACH. It was an amazing drive with views of the Indian Ocean to the east and rolling hills spotted with huts to the west.

Saturday was the “western” wedding. It was in a church in the rural village where the groom had grown up. The drive to the church involved winding through hills along a dirt road and even more incredible views. Here, we learned our first lesson in South African culture…. nothing starts on time. We were almost 2 hours late to the church (we didn’t expect such a long trek) and still had to wait for the ceremony to start. The wedding ceremony was a typical Christian wedding (from what I could gather since the ceremony was in Zulu), although a noticeable difference was that the bridal party dances down the aisle and the guests are much more vocal during the procession of the bridal party. The reception that followed was also very similar to weddings I’ve attended in the Unites States, with an MC, speeches (including the requisite “drunk guy” speech), cutting of the wedding cake, throwing of the bouquet and garter. We met the bride, Deli, at the reception and her warm welcome made us feel completely at ease about being wedding crashers. The reception ended with a “braai” (barbecue) of beef from a cow that is sacrificed as part of tradition and, of course, with dancing (including traditional Zulu singing and dancing as well as the electric slide).

The party then moved to the groom’s house for the “umgudlo”, the traditional overnight celebration, where people dance and drink all night before the “umabo”, the traditional Zulu ceremony. We wore traditional Zulu outfits to the ceremony. The umabo begins with the

exchange of many gifts. The bride’s family must give the groom’s family several cattle (or the cash equivalent), depending on the bride’s “worth”. After the gift exchange, the bride and groom process separately with their respective guests following. They end up in a hut with the women and men on opposite sides. Deli wore an apron, swept the floor of the hut, then, on her knees, served Sfiso Zulu beer (made with water, yeast, millet seeds – tangy!), which she ended up spilling all over him! The food was abundant –men served first, sitting in chairs, women on the floor on mats. The meal is followed by another braii with beef and “jeqe” (steamed bread).

At the end of the ceremony, Deli was saying goodbye to some of her family members, but was called away by members of Sfiso’s family, which seemed strange. It was later explained to me that after a woman is married, she must give up being a part of her own family as she is now solely part of her husband’s family (some even go to the extreme of no longer allowing the bride to speak to her own family).
The wedding was an amazing experience not only because we were able to live first-hand the life and traditions of South African culture, but also because we were so warmly welcomed to do so. We felt really lucky to have been able to share in this celebration. (I also felt really lucky to have survived the ride home since cows come out of nowhere on the road and Mike seems to have a blind eye for cattle).

For more pictures, go to: http://picasaweb.google.com/latrem/WeddingPortShepstone# (Valerie’s pictures to follow)